I'm going to be honest with you right now...I'm hurting.
I feel so distant from God right now.
I've been falling into sin again, and I've been falling for guys that just keep breaking my heart.
The last two guys I've been interested and have been interested in me have turned into jerks, and I dont know what I did wrong.
I can honestly say, I've never faced much rejection when it's come to guys.
But since the last two have rejected me, it's starting to really hurt.
I know I'm supposed to find my worth in God and not the guys around me,
but I've lived that way for so long it's hard to get out of that.
I dont know what's wrong with me and why I cant just land a great christian guy! I'm surrounded by them every week at church, its just all of them see me as a little sister.
Being put in the sister zone is a heck of a lot worse than the friend zone!
You can get your way out of the friend zone, but not the sister zone!
I dont know why I'm hurting so much from this. I really dont.
I haven't spent time with God in so long, I'm starting to feel it.
I haven't played guitar in months either.
I think what I need to do is first thing tomorrow get up and do a quiet time and just worship.
I need to find my identity in Christ again, because I've lost it.
I decided two years ago after my last relationship that I was going to wait to date until I was in college.
Now that I'm in college and there's no one there, it scares me.
I hate not knowing God's plan sometimes.
Okay...all the time.
I've learned not to make long term plans because God constantly changes them for me.
For example, I thought I knew for a fact I was going to go to Moody Bible Institute in Chicago once I'm done at the community college.
But I'm not so sure anymore.
I love my church so much, and a lot of it happens during the school year.
So if I'm not around during the school year I'm going to miss so much of what my church is doing for the community around it.
I hate the thought of being away during the school year.
So I dont know if I'm going to Moody anymore.
But I also don't feel called to any of the christian school in Missouri.
I know God will work it all out in the end, I just would really love answers now.
I only have one more year left at the community college then I'm transffering.
Where to...I have no idea. I just know that I am.
I know I dont want to go to St Louis Christian College, or Missouri Baptist, or Southwest Baptist.
Then I dont know anything about any of the other christian colleges in Missouri.
I could go to Moody without having to pay for tuition. Only room and board and some student fees.
That would be AMAZING!
No other college offers that, and I know I can't really even afford school.
I'm so stressed right now it's rediculous.
My car is crapping out on me, I wont have money for a new one until next year, I dont know what to do about college, I'm sick of my job and not getting hours, and I'm sick of getting my heart stepped on.
The only thing that's going right in my life right now are my friends.
Laura is amazing, I love that girl to death. She's always by my side and I love it. She brings out the weird in me.
Heather is fantastic too! been friends with her since 7th grade, and I'm so glad I work with her now at walgreens.
Then there's Jeanette...oh Jeanette! I love talking to her about our faith and always leave the conversation saying wow!
Lastly, there's my second family. My church family/Lot Family, they're there when I fall, when I feel down, when I need prayer, and when I just need someone to talk to I can text any one of them and they'll be there in a heartbeat. They don't judge or condemn, they just love and want to help in whatever way they can.
I can honestly say, that I am blessed to have the friends that I do. Although I forget it many times, the time I remember, I cant help but smile and think of how amazing they truly are.
Thank you to my friends for always being there.
The last thing I'm going to leave you with is a song that's been stuck in my head. It's called Drifter by Decemberadio. Its honestly how I feel right now, I'm drifting so far away from God where my home is, and I'm constantly trying to get back.
I used to have a home
A place i started from
A place to call my own
Bright lights and late nights
The devil took me on a midnight ride
Left me out in the desert on my own
Now i feel alone
I need a hand
To help me find my way back home
I'm a drifter out on a dead end road
Trying to find my way back home
To get to you, oh to get to you
Lord i've been gone for far too long
Headed to places i don't belong
And i've got to get back home to you
Sometimes i think about the past
The road that i was on
The one that lead me home
I'll walk on another day
I may wonder but i never stray
Cause i found out the hard way sin don't pay
Now i feel alone
I need a hand
To help me find my way back home
I'm a drifter out on a dead end road
Trying to find my way back home
To get to you, oh to get to you
Lord i've been gone for far too long
Headed to places i don't belong
And i've got to get back home to you
And when i feel the night is closing in
And i can barely breathe the air
I just remember that i've got a friend
Who really cares
Oh who really cares
I'm a drifter out on a dead end road
Trying to find my way back home
To get to you, oh to get to you
Lord i've been gone for far too long
Headed to places i don't belong
And i've got to get back home to you
In Christ,
Hannah
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
God, Music, and Osama Bin Ladin
This has been an interesting week. I’ve been busy at times, and bored out of my mind at other times. School, work, church, and music festivals have been consuming my time. I go to school 4 days a week, work 3 or 4 days a week, and go to church 2 days a week. Causing my weeks to be pretty full, especially when those 4 days of school have homework that goes along with those days. The music festival was great! More on that later :)
I’ve been trying to read my Bible more, a friend of mine and I are trying to read through the Bible together. We’re not trying to get it done by any certain time because we don’t want to just read it. We want to study it, understand it, and discuss it. This week we’re reading Genesis chapters 6-8. I will be honest with you, I haven’t read any of it yet. It’s been tough for me to sit down and start reading, the reason it’s so hard is because I haven’t been in the habit of reading the Bible every day for years. In Genesis chapter 1 or 2 (cant remember right now which it is) I love the part where God is pretty much having a conversation with himself and he goes “let us create man in OUR image” then he goes on to say that he’s creating man in HIS image...if you find this confusing like I did the first time I read it, here’s what it’s talking about....its implying the TRINITY! How cool is that! This early in the Bible and God is already mentioning the trinity. I love that. Then chapters 4 & 5 chapters are a lot about family line and all that good stuff. Honestly, I’m super excited about reading more of the Bible and getting to know my God on a much deeper level. I’ve tried many times to read through the Bible and failed, but I think this time with doing it with a friend it’ll make it so I will actually follow through with it.
This last weekend (Friday and Saturday) I went to Agape Music Festival in Greenville, IL. bands like Tenth Avenue North, Rush Of Fools, Third Day, Need To Breath, Sidewalk Prophets, and Hawk Nelson played. There were tons others too, but those were some of the big named ones. I went with my best friend Heather and we slept in my mom’s tiny two door stick shift saturn, it was a great night! The highlight of the weekend was when Rush Of Fools played. They were doing the late night coffee house on the second stage. If you don’t know me, I LOVE Rush Of Fools. I’ve been listening to them for probably about 6 years, right before they changed their name to Rush Of Fools (their name was Poor And Wretched for those who don’t know). I also have a friend of mine I met on a youth trip many years ago that is a close friend of these guys, which made me even more excited because I was going to be able to meet them and tell them the connection we had. After the show I went to buy their CD (I have it on iTunes, but couldn’t really bring a burned CD for them to sign), and their bassist was right there so I said to him “I’ve been listening to you guys since your name was Poor And Wretched,” His response was “ooo I’m sorry...we weren’t very good back then” I laughed and replied “I’ve always thought you guys were great. Will Thornton turned me onto you guys probably 6 or 7 years ago” and he goes “oh yeah! Will is a cool guy! How’d you meet him?” and so then we talked for a few minutes, then I went and talked to Wes which is their lead singer. I said the same thing to Wes his response is about the same, and we talk about Will a bit more. Got pictures with him, just an awesome genuine guy. He was talking to us about how they were headed to Alabama on Monday (yesterday) for tornado relief. Which I thought was awesome! He also said to some other fans “ya know we’re just regular people” Which I thought was awesome! They’re so humble and just really great guys. Loved meeting them.
Sunday was a great day, I got to just relax most the day. Woke up, went to Lot Family, came home, rested, went to starbucks to study with a friend of mine for a test we day today, then went to Laura’s house and just chilled the rest of the day. It was really great. Something that I really needed. Once I got home I was talking to my mom about the whole weekend when my brother Paul comes in the room and is like “Osama Bin Ladin was killed” all of us were like huh??? It’s like it’s been 10 years since 9/11 you don’t expect that. So we turned on the news and were watching as the president talked, and then after that just kept watching the news on it. I was laying on the couch and did something I haven’t done in years....I fell asleep on the couch..lol. When I got up I went to bed figuring I’d hear more the next morning whether it was on facebook or on the news. So when I got up yesterday I got on facebook and twitter and was honestly appalled by what my friends, and fellow christians were saying about his death. They were celebrating in the death of a man, yes a very evil man, but a man none the less. A man that has more than likely gone to Hell. That is sad to me. I saw one post by someone that I know is a christian saying something on the lines of “I laugh as Osama burns in Hell” how can you laugh at that?? That’s something not to be happy about. Yes it’s okay to be happy that justice is served, and that this evil man is now gone, but it’s not okay to celebrate someone going to Hell.
I also have been seeing lots of posts on how “YAY THE WAR IS OVER LETS BRING OUR TROOPS HOME!” I’m sorry but the war isn’t anywhere near being over. In fact, they will probably be sending even more troops to Afghanistan now, because 1) Osama more than likely had it planned who would take over Al Qaeda 2) his followers are going to be pissed and 3) there’s still the brain washed child soldiers, and everyone else that has been fighting for him. Our military men are still in danger. My best friend John is in Afghanistan right now, that scares me. My brother is going to be deployed in March, that scares me. Because we don’t know how his followers are going to react. And who’s going to take over. The man taking over could always be even more evil than Bin Ladin. You never know! So as we “celebrate” this victory that the US has made. Please remember our military men in your prayers while they get their orders as to what to do next. Please remember that Bin Ladin was loved by God and his followers, and I’m sure that they both are mourning his death right now. Please remember that we as christians should not be celebrating someone going to Hell. That should break our hearts and make us want to go out and do something about it.
If you disagree with me, I’d love to hear what you have to say.
In Christ,
Hannah
I’ve been trying to read my Bible more, a friend of mine and I are trying to read through the Bible together. We’re not trying to get it done by any certain time because we don’t want to just read it. We want to study it, understand it, and discuss it. This week we’re reading Genesis chapters 6-8. I will be honest with you, I haven’t read any of it yet. It’s been tough for me to sit down and start reading, the reason it’s so hard is because I haven’t been in the habit of reading the Bible every day for years. In Genesis chapter 1 or 2 (cant remember right now which it is) I love the part where God is pretty much having a conversation with himself and he goes “let us create man in OUR image” then he goes on to say that he’s creating man in HIS image...if you find this confusing like I did the first time I read it, here’s what it’s talking about....its implying the TRINITY! How cool is that! This early in the Bible and God is already mentioning the trinity. I love that. Then chapters 4 & 5 chapters are a lot about family line and all that good stuff. Honestly, I’m super excited about reading more of the Bible and getting to know my God on a much deeper level. I’ve tried many times to read through the Bible and failed, but I think this time with doing it with a friend it’ll make it so I will actually follow through with it.
This last weekend (Friday and Saturday) I went to Agape Music Festival in Greenville, IL. bands like Tenth Avenue North, Rush Of Fools, Third Day, Need To Breath, Sidewalk Prophets, and Hawk Nelson played. There were tons others too, but those were some of the big named ones. I went with my best friend Heather and we slept in my mom’s tiny two door stick shift saturn, it was a great night! The highlight of the weekend was when Rush Of Fools played. They were doing the late night coffee house on the second stage. If you don’t know me, I LOVE Rush Of Fools. I’ve been listening to them for probably about 6 years, right before they changed their name to Rush Of Fools (their name was Poor And Wretched for those who don’t know). I also have a friend of mine I met on a youth trip many years ago that is a close friend of these guys, which made me even more excited because I was going to be able to meet them and tell them the connection we had. After the show I went to buy their CD (I have it on iTunes, but couldn’t really bring a burned CD for them to sign), and their bassist was right there so I said to him “I’ve been listening to you guys since your name was Poor And Wretched,” His response was “ooo I’m sorry...we weren’t very good back then” I laughed and replied “I’ve always thought you guys were great. Will Thornton turned me onto you guys probably 6 or 7 years ago” and he goes “oh yeah! Will is a cool guy! How’d you meet him?” and so then we talked for a few minutes, then I went and talked to Wes which is their lead singer. I said the same thing to Wes his response is about the same, and we talk about Will a bit more. Got pictures with him, just an awesome genuine guy. He was talking to us about how they were headed to Alabama on Monday (yesterday) for tornado relief. Which I thought was awesome! He also said to some other fans “ya know we’re just regular people” Which I thought was awesome! They’re so humble and just really great guys. Loved meeting them.
Sunday was a great day, I got to just relax most the day. Woke up, went to Lot Family, came home, rested, went to starbucks to study with a friend of mine for a test we day today, then went to Laura’s house and just chilled the rest of the day. It was really great. Something that I really needed. Once I got home I was talking to my mom about the whole weekend when my brother Paul comes in the room and is like “Osama Bin Ladin was killed” all of us were like huh??? It’s like it’s been 10 years since 9/11 you don’t expect that. So we turned on the news and were watching as the president talked, and then after that just kept watching the news on it. I was laying on the couch and did something I haven’t done in years....I fell asleep on the couch..lol. When I got up I went to bed figuring I’d hear more the next morning whether it was on facebook or on the news. So when I got up yesterday I got on facebook and twitter and was honestly appalled by what my friends, and fellow christians were saying about his death. They were celebrating in the death of a man, yes a very evil man, but a man none the less. A man that has more than likely gone to Hell. That is sad to me. I saw one post by someone that I know is a christian saying something on the lines of “I laugh as Osama burns in Hell” how can you laugh at that?? That’s something not to be happy about. Yes it’s okay to be happy that justice is served, and that this evil man is now gone, but it’s not okay to celebrate someone going to Hell.
I also have been seeing lots of posts on how “YAY THE WAR IS OVER LETS BRING OUR TROOPS HOME!” I’m sorry but the war isn’t anywhere near being over. In fact, they will probably be sending even more troops to Afghanistan now, because 1) Osama more than likely had it planned who would take over Al Qaeda 2) his followers are going to be pissed and 3) there’s still the brain washed child soldiers, and everyone else that has been fighting for him. Our military men are still in danger. My best friend John is in Afghanistan right now, that scares me. My brother is going to be deployed in March, that scares me. Because we don’t know how his followers are going to react. And who’s going to take over. The man taking over could always be even more evil than Bin Ladin. You never know! So as we “celebrate” this victory that the US has made. Please remember our military men in your prayers while they get their orders as to what to do next. Please remember that Bin Ladin was loved by God and his followers, and I’m sure that they both are mourning his death right now. Please remember that we as christians should not be celebrating someone going to Hell. That should break our hearts and make us want to go out and do something about it.
If you disagree with me, I’d love to hear what you have to say.
In Christ,
Hannah
Sunday, April 17, 2011
It's been a while....
...since my last post. Life has been crazy with school and work and concerts and friends.
I must say though, God has been so good to me these last two weeks! Last Tuesday I had a test in my Psychology class, got a 86, our professor on Thursday decides for really no reason to give everyone 8 extra points boosting my grade to a 94! I did horrible on my first test, the second one I got a 92 by God's grace only, and this one I got a 94??? Wow He truly is amazing!
Two Monday's ago my friend Jeanette texted me and said "hey I have a guy I want you to meet, I think you guys would hit it off really well" at the sight of this I was like "ohhhhh great" but I also knew Jeanette wouldnt introduce me to some creepo so I decided I'd meet him cause I figured if nothing else I'd come out of it with a new friend. So I met him last Friday. Needless to say....myself and this guy hit it off very well (thank you Jeanette) we've been texting a lot this last week, and we're going to go on a double date with Jeanette and her boyfriend at some point in time.
Okay...enough about boys....now for my day yesterday when God surpassed all my expectations! I was sitting at home bored out of my mind and I get a call from a friend of mine that I met in one of my classes saying "my pastor gave me an extra ticket to the Mercy Me concert tonight would you like to go with me and my friend Melissa?" (which by the way....Mercy Me concert was SOLD OUT!) I hesitated for reasons that are not conscious to me, told him I'd love to go so he told me he'd pick me up at 6. As soon as I got off the phone with Chris I went out and got our mail, and I had a letter from the school telling me how much grant money I'm getting this next year............I opened it.........read it........holy freaking cow! Are you serious?? Wow God you are SO good! I will have enough money left over to be over half way to a car! That just made me even more excited about the concert because I was so excited about just being able to worship this God that has provided for me SO well! Once I got home I was talking to my mom about the grant money and she tells me "thats only the federal grant...you'll get another one for probably about that same amount from the state" I just wanted to burst into tears at this point with how freaking amazing my God is! He's provided a way for me to pay for school next year AND buy a car next spring! Thank you Jesus!!! Even though with how much grant money I'm getting shows how poor my family is right now....it doesnt matter because God IS providing! I'm so excited to see what else God will be doing for my family these next couple of months/years. He truly is an amazing God!
In Christ,
Hannah
I must say though, God has been so good to me these last two weeks! Last Tuesday I had a test in my Psychology class, got a 86, our professor on Thursday decides for really no reason to give everyone 8 extra points boosting my grade to a 94! I did horrible on my first test, the second one I got a 92 by God's grace only, and this one I got a 94??? Wow He truly is amazing!
Two Monday's ago my friend Jeanette texted me and said "hey I have a guy I want you to meet, I think you guys would hit it off really well" at the sight of this I was like "ohhhhh great" but I also knew Jeanette wouldnt introduce me to some creepo so I decided I'd meet him cause I figured if nothing else I'd come out of it with a new friend. So I met him last Friday. Needless to say....myself and this guy hit it off very well (thank you Jeanette) we've been texting a lot this last week, and we're going to go on a double date with Jeanette and her boyfriend at some point in time.
Okay...enough about boys....now for my day yesterday when God surpassed all my expectations! I was sitting at home bored out of my mind and I get a call from a friend of mine that I met in one of my classes saying "my pastor gave me an extra ticket to the Mercy Me concert tonight would you like to go with me and my friend Melissa?" (which by the way....Mercy Me concert was SOLD OUT!) I hesitated for reasons that are not conscious to me, told him I'd love to go so he told me he'd pick me up at 6. As soon as I got off the phone with Chris I went out and got our mail, and I had a letter from the school telling me how much grant money I'm getting this next year............I opened it.........read it........holy freaking cow! Are you serious?? Wow God you are SO good! I will have enough money left over to be over half way to a car! That just made me even more excited about the concert because I was so excited about just being able to worship this God that has provided for me SO well! Once I got home I was talking to my mom about the grant money and she tells me "thats only the federal grant...you'll get another one for probably about that same amount from the state" I just wanted to burst into tears at this point with how freaking amazing my God is! He's provided a way for me to pay for school next year AND buy a car next spring! Thank you Jesus!!! Even though with how much grant money I'm getting shows how poor my family is right now....it doesnt matter because God IS providing! I'm so excited to see what else God will be doing for my family these next couple of months/years. He truly is an amazing God!
In Christ,
Hannah
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Big Time Rush
Okay, so I'm just going to come out and say it.....I'm 18 years old and I absolutely love Big Time Rush. If you dont know who they are, they are a band that are on Nickelodeon. They have their own show, and are just awesome.
Not only are they just hilarious on TV and are really pretty great musicians, but more importantly from what I've seen of their interviews they are amazing, genuine guys that just really love to have fun.
This year that are nominated for not just ONE but TWO Kids Choice Awards, I really hope they win this. The funny thing is, I dont even have cable so I cant watch them at my house.
My friend Laura who is 20 is the one that got me into BTR back in October. Here's a picture of her
Yeah, she's pretty much gorgeous. But yeah, so she turned me onto BTR, now I love the guys.
Oh, by the way here is a picture of them
So it goes, Kendall, James, Carlos, and Logan. We got the opportunity to meet these awesome guys back in October whenever they were in town for a signing. Unfortunately, Laura has the pictures from that :( one thing from that day that I love being able to say is that Laura and I made Chocolate chip cookies for them and they were so excited about them, it was adorable lol.
But anyway, I'm really excited to see where they end up, because from what I've seen they all have really great heads on their shoulders, and will keep up the image that they all should, even after they're off of Nickelodeon. They're all around Laura and I's ages too, I cant tell you who's age is who's but I know that two of them are 20 and two of them are 21.
Anyway, I just wanted to say a little something about them, cause I really do love these guys, and I cant wait to see where they go, because I know that they will definitely go far.
Guys, if you see this, know that I'm praying for you, and your success. Hope to meet you again soon!
In Christ,
Hannah
Twitter: @Hannah_Lynne
Laura
Twitter: @WaitingBeauty
Not only are they just hilarious on TV and are really pretty great musicians, but more importantly from what I've seen of their interviews they are amazing, genuine guys that just really love to have fun.
This year that are nominated for not just ONE but TWO Kids Choice Awards, I really hope they win this. The funny thing is, I dont even have cable so I cant watch them at my house.
My friend Laura who is 20 is the one that got me into BTR back in October. Here's a picture of her
Oh, by the way here is a picture of them
So it goes, Kendall, James, Carlos, and Logan. We got the opportunity to meet these awesome guys back in October whenever they were in town for a signing. Unfortunately, Laura has the pictures from that :( one thing from that day that I love being able to say is that Laura and I made Chocolate chip cookies for them and they were so excited about them, it was adorable lol.
But anyway, I'm really excited to see where they end up, because from what I've seen they all have really great heads on their shoulders, and will keep up the image that they all should, even after they're off of Nickelodeon. They're all around Laura and I's ages too, I cant tell you who's age is who's but I know that two of them are 20 and two of them are 21.
Anyway, I just wanted to say a little something about them, cause I really do love these guys, and I cant wait to see where they go, because I know that they will definitely go far.
Guys, if you see this, know that I'm praying for you, and your success. Hope to meet you again soon!
In Christ,
Hannah
Twitter: @Hannah_Lynne
Laura
Twitter: @WaitingBeauty
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
I Refuse
Growing up I always told my mom I was going to be a missionary in China. My mom was telling me a story the other day about when I was about four I took a bunch of these leggo baby wipe boxes we had (you could stack them on top of each other like leggos and they held the wipes, how cool is that?) and had them all sitting in front of me and I was trying to stuff a bunch of my stuff into the boxes. My mom walks into my room while I'm doing this and asks me "Hannah what are you doing?" and I replied "Mom, I'm packing," she simply asked me what I was packing for and I told her "I'm going to China. I'm going to be a missionary there and tell people about God." After my mom was finished telling me this story, I told her how amazing it is that even at that age I knew what God wanted me to do. It's just the years in between that and my 8th grade year I forgot completely about that calling.
Now that I'm almost grown up, I know for a fact that God wants me to be a missionary. Not to China, but to the US. Because it seems to me that the US is starting to need missionaries more than China. Dont get me wrong, every nation needs missionaries, but when countries like China start sending missionaries to the US, thats when we know we have a problem. We have missionaries from different countries that are being sent to us. They're teaching us how to become missionaries in our own country, but do we listen? Not enough of us do.
Honestly, do we really even need a missionary to come all the way from China to tell us what we already know? Our country needs us. The people here need us. The communities need us. Why is it that so many Christians just sit around praying for other people to reach out to the people that are right next to them? Yes prayer is great, and yes it can do amazing amazing things. But what good is prayer if we dont 1) mean it, 2) live it, and 3) do something about what we're praying for. If we start praying for the church's money situation, if they're trying to get out of debt, but we dont give our tithes joyfully and perpetually then what good does praying for it do? Yes I know sometimes it's hard to give because of financial situations. Trust me, I know that. But honestly, why is it that we sit on our butts and do nothing, when even the slightest bit of help from us, could change everything.
My new favorite song is I Refuse by Josh Wilson. It's also been my prayer for me to not just stand and watch, but to get out there and start being that missionary I'm called to be. Here are the lyrics.
Sometimes I, I just want to close my eyes And act like everyone’s alright When I know they’re not. This world needs God But it’s easier to stand and watch. I could pray a prayer and just move on Like nothing’s wrong. But I refuse. ‘Cause I don’t want to live like I don’t care. I don’t want to say another empty prayer. Oh, I refuse to Sit around and wait for someone else To do what God has called me to do myself. Oh, I could choose Not to move but I refuse. I can hear the least of these Crying out so desperately, And I know we are the hands and feet Of you, oh God. So, if you say move, Then it’s time for me to follow through, And do what I was made to do. Show them who you are. 'Cause I don’t want to live like I don’t care. I don’t want to say another empty prayer. Oh, I refuse to Sit around and wait for someone else To do what God has called me to do myself. Oh, I could choose Not to move but I refuse. To stand and watch The weary and lost Cry out for help. I refuse To turn my back And try and act like all is well. I refuse To stay unchanged, To wait another day, To die to myself. I refuse To make one more excuse.‘Cause I don’t want to live like I don’t care. I don’t want to say another empty prayer. Oh, I refuse to Sit around and wait for someone else To do what God has called me to do myself. Oh, I could choose Not to move but I refuse.
Amazing song, right? If you havent listened to it, do it. It will become your favorite song. It's so true for my life right now, I'm so tired of living like I dont care. Tired of praying that someone else will go out and witness, when in reality, we're all called to be witnesses, and to make disciples. So why dont we do it? Are we scared of rejection? Christ was rejected!
I recently got a tattoo, during the tattoo I was in so much pain, but I just kept praying "God please take some of this pain away" and he would a little bit but at the same time he would reply saying "I suffered for you, so you can suffer for me" Which hearing that made getting this tattoo so much easier, because whats the whole reason I got it. A sign of worship, a way to witness. It's so cool how in times like that God can really speak to you.
I dont know about you guys, but I'm tired of waiting for someone else to do what God has called me to do myself. Lets get out there and start doing what God has called us to do.
In Christ,
Hannah
Now that I'm almost grown up, I know for a fact that God wants me to be a missionary. Not to China, but to the US. Because it seems to me that the US is starting to need missionaries more than China. Dont get me wrong, every nation needs missionaries, but when countries like China start sending missionaries to the US, thats when we know we have a problem. We have missionaries from different countries that are being sent to us. They're teaching us how to become missionaries in our own country, but do we listen? Not enough of us do.
Honestly, do we really even need a missionary to come all the way from China to tell us what we already know? Our country needs us. The people here need us. The communities need us. Why is it that so many Christians just sit around praying for other people to reach out to the people that are right next to them? Yes prayer is great, and yes it can do amazing amazing things. But what good is prayer if we dont 1) mean it, 2) live it, and 3) do something about what we're praying for. If we start praying for the church's money situation, if they're trying to get out of debt, but we dont give our tithes joyfully and perpetually then what good does praying for it do? Yes I know sometimes it's hard to give because of financial situations. Trust me, I know that. But honestly, why is it that we sit on our butts and do nothing, when even the slightest bit of help from us, could change everything.
My new favorite song is I Refuse by Josh Wilson. It's also been my prayer for me to not just stand and watch, but to get out there and start being that missionary I'm called to be. Here are the lyrics.
Sometimes I, I just want to close my eyes And act like everyone’s alright When I know they’re not. This world needs God But it’s easier to stand and watch. I could pray a prayer and just move on Like nothing’s wrong. But I refuse. ‘Cause I don’t want to live like I don’t care. I don’t want to say another empty prayer. Oh, I refuse to Sit around and wait for someone else To do what God has called me to do myself. Oh, I could choose Not to move but I refuse. I can hear the least of these Crying out so desperately, And I know we are the hands and feet Of you, oh God. So, if you say move, Then it’s time for me to follow through, And do what I was made to do. Show them who you are. 'Cause I don’t want to live like I don’t care. I don’t want to say another empty prayer. Oh, I refuse to Sit around and wait for someone else To do what God has called me to do myself. Oh, I could choose Not to move but I refuse. To stand and watch The weary and lost Cry out for help. I refuse To turn my back And try and act like all is well. I refuse To stay unchanged, To wait another day, To die to myself. I refuse To make one more excuse.‘Cause I don’t want to live like I don’t care. I don’t want to say another empty prayer. Oh, I refuse to Sit around and wait for someone else To do what God has called me to do myself. Oh, I could choose Not to move but I refuse.
Amazing song, right? If you havent listened to it, do it. It will become your favorite song. It's so true for my life right now, I'm so tired of living like I dont care. Tired of praying that someone else will go out and witness, when in reality, we're all called to be witnesses, and to make disciples. So why dont we do it? Are we scared of rejection? Christ was rejected!
I recently got a tattoo, during the tattoo I was in so much pain, but I just kept praying "God please take some of this pain away" and he would a little bit but at the same time he would reply saying "I suffered for you, so you can suffer for me" Which hearing that made getting this tattoo so much easier, because whats the whole reason I got it. A sign of worship, a way to witness. It's so cool how in times like that God can really speak to you.
I dont know about you guys, but I'm tired of waiting for someone else to do what God has called me to do myself. Lets get out there and start doing what God has called us to do.
In Christ,
Hannah
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Community
Why is it so hard for me to just go out into my community and talk to people? I need to be going to coffee shops, malls, parks, my school, anywhere that there's people and just sit and read my Bible and talk to the people around me. Why is that so hard for me to do? I guess I'm just lazy. Right now I'm sitting here on the verge of tears because I'm just so frustrated with myself. I've been wanting to get involved with my community for such a long time. I had never seen before how much this community needs Christ until I started actually becoming apart of the community. I had no idea until I started working, and going to college here.
Ever since I went to San Diego a couple summers back I've wanted to just get involved with the community. My church has been awesome with that, but I havent even been getting involved with what the church has been doing. I'm so mad at myself for it too. I think to myself "no I'm just gonna sleep in, I really need to rest" but the thing is....lately, I've only been getting a couple hours at work a week. The rest of the time I'm either at home, at my friend Laura's house, or church. Not out in the community, not trying to get to know people. I really need to be doing that. I start school on tuesday, I'm honestly really looking forward to this semester. My psychology professor is a christian, and I'm really looking forward to seeing how she teaches, but I'm also really excited about just being able to go up to the school and sit there, study, talk to people, and read my Bible. I know I probably said all of this last semester, but I'm making it a point to do that. I'm just tired of sitting on my butt all the time doing nothing for the Kingdom of God. As I write this, I wish I was sitting in a coffee house instead of my bedroom. So you know what I'm going to do tonight? Go to a coffee house. Probably starbucks cause that's closest to my house.
My work schedule is different every week. It's hard to pick two or three nights a week to go and sit at a coffee house for a couple hours, but i'm going to try to commit to it. Sitting here thinking about it, I dont normally work on Monday nights, I'm going to commit to skipping the bachelor and going to a coffee house after dinner to just sit and read God's word, or study, or write papers, whatever I need to do that night. The second night a week I think will be Thursday's or Friday's depending on when I work.
It's going to be a tough semester, but I'm really looking forward to getting out there and starting to get to know the community I live in. I'm gonna go eat some dinner and go to starbucks.
In Christ,
Hannah
Ever since I went to San Diego a couple summers back I've wanted to just get involved with the community. My church has been awesome with that, but I havent even been getting involved with what the church has been doing. I'm so mad at myself for it too. I think to myself "no I'm just gonna sleep in, I really need to rest" but the thing is....lately, I've only been getting a couple hours at work a week. The rest of the time I'm either at home, at my friend Laura's house, or church. Not out in the community, not trying to get to know people. I really need to be doing that. I start school on tuesday, I'm honestly really looking forward to this semester. My psychology professor is a christian, and I'm really looking forward to seeing how she teaches, but I'm also really excited about just being able to go up to the school and sit there, study, talk to people, and read my Bible. I know I probably said all of this last semester, but I'm making it a point to do that. I'm just tired of sitting on my butt all the time doing nothing for the Kingdom of God. As I write this, I wish I was sitting in a coffee house instead of my bedroom. So you know what I'm going to do tonight? Go to a coffee house. Probably starbucks cause that's closest to my house.
My work schedule is different every week. It's hard to pick two or three nights a week to go and sit at a coffee house for a couple hours, but i'm going to try to commit to it. Sitting here thinking about it, I dont normally work on Monday nights, I'm going to commit to skipping the bachelor and going to a coffee house after dinner to just sit and read God's word, or study, or write papers, whatever I need to do that night. The second night a week I think will be Thursday's or Friday's depending on when I work.
It's going to be a tough semester, but I'm really looking forward to getting out there and starting to get to know the community I live in. I'm gonna go eat some dinner and go to starbucks.
In Christ,
Hannah
Saturday, January 15, 2011
My prayer tonight while i sit in my car on break:
God, i really want be living for you while i'm in school and working. But i dont know what you want me to do. Honestly, i dont know what you want me to be doing with my life period. Show me the way you want me to go. What you want me to do with my life. I know you want me to do missions, but i feel so blind as to what kind of missions. God i also want to pray right now for the men that are around me every day, and the men that i will get to know in the future. Help them grow in you. And help them become spiritual leaders with their family's and even friends. Guide them in the way you want them to go. God, right now i want to specifically lift up john to you. He's having a rough time with his family, and with leaving for afghanistan in february. Keep him safe and close to you. Thank you God for everything you do for me on a daily basis. Amen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)