Tough day

Today has been a really tough day for me. This morning I got in a really bad argument with my dad. He even threatened to kick me out of the house. The argument started when I asked my dad how I was getting to class because I had no gas in the van, from going to class and church. All the gas I have been using is from money my friends give me for just that when we hang out and I drive, and I hadnt given any friends rides all weekend so I had no gas. He took that as me assuming he was going to give me gas money, when in reality I was just asking him how I was getting to class whether he could take me, or if I had to find a ride or what. Yes I agree that I could have worded it better, but thats not what I was meaning at all. So I was in a bad mood all day, only good parts of my day was getting a 40/40 on my Soc. paper about Christianity as a sub culture, talking to my friend Erin who lives in South Carolina, she always makes my days better :), and lastly church.
Church really helped me tonight. I knew it was going to. Today I spent probably 97% of it in tears. I was so upset about everything that went on with my dad, that every time I thought of it I ended up in tears or tearing up.  Tonight at church, I almost ended up in tears again. At the end of the sermon Marc said that in times of struggle we shouldnt go to the substance, the person, because they will let us down, but instead we need to run to Christ because he will never let us down. He told us to continue this once we got home. He told us to go into our rooms and just run to God, whatever that looked like to us. So I got home,  came in my room and just put my face to the ground and started praying and crying to God. I rededicated my life to God tonight. I havent been running to Him for the things I've needed, I've ran to other people instead. Tonight my life is changed. It's still hard of course. Thats just life, but now instead of running to people and substance, I'm going to run to God.
In my last blog I showed you that song, that song is also a psalm. Psalm 51. In February I am planning on getting a tattoo. It was going to be music notes on my side. Now I'm thinking of something out of Psalm 51 that is also in that song. I'm going to edit some pictures with different fonts and stuff of it, and I'll post pictures on here and I want you to tell me which verse and font you like the best.
God is so good, he takes care of you when you need to be taken care of. Dont be running towards those lower case god's but be running to the one and only upper case God.

~Hannah

My prayer tonight

My prayer tonight is this. It's a part of a Psalm that Jon Foreman (from Switchfoot) has taken and put into a song.

Have mercy on me, oh God
According to Your unfailing love
According to Your great compassion
Blot out my transgressions

Create in me a clean heart, oh God
Restore in me the joy of Your salvation

The sacrifices of our God are a broken and a contrite heart
Against You and You alone have I sinned

Would You create in me a clean heart, oh God
Restore in me the joy of my salvation

Wash me white as snow
And I will be made whole
Wash me white as snow
And I will be made whole


 I fell on my face this evening, and this is what I prayed, and am still praying, and will continue to pray. Its asking God to restore me. I want God to restore me.
"God I want you to create in me a clean heart. I want you to make my heart pure, for you to wash me white as snow. So I can be whole again. Would you please blot out my transgressions, everything I've done against you. Please, God, restore in me the joy of my salvation I once had so long ago. God, I'm so tired of filling my life with things other than you. I'm tired of having this bitterness. God, I need you to take all of this away. I need you to restore in me how I once was. God, I want you to be my satisfaction. Not all these worldly things, that will pass away, but you! You will never pass away. Please God I need your hand in mine. I need you to guide me every day I live. Help me to live, love and share you. To live for you, do everything in my power to honor you, and learn more about you. To love you. God I have all these god's in my life, that is not the true God. Help me not to love these god's, but to love THE God. To Share you God. I want to help further your kingdom. Use me in whatever way you choose. I'm willing to go. Wash me white as snow God, so I can be made whole. Would you please oh God create in me a clean heart, and restore in me the joy of YOUR salvation, that you GIVE to me. I didnt do anything to earn your love and salvation, but you gave it to me anyway. Thank you Father"