God is so good! I've been neglecting spending time with God lately, which I think is something he's been trying to tell me.
Tonight at church God really started to just speak to my heart. Something we did was we had a piece of paper and it said "I am" on the left and "But he is" on the right. There was enough space there to write what what we felt we are and was god is (I.E. I am weak, but God is strong). There were multipule spots on this piece of paper that had this written for us to write whatever we wanted in those spaces.
I want to share a couple of mine, and explain why I chose those.
I am a sinner, but he is sinless. Self explanatory.
I am prideful, but he is humble. Tho I am not always prideful and I try my hardest to be humble, I fail. Because I am that sinner.
I am weak, but he is strong. I chose this one, even tho it's so simple because its what describes me right now. I have been so weak with my walk, with trusting Him, and he's had to carry me through these struggles.
I am inconsistent with my walk, but he is always there. Even tho I do fail, and I do sometimes walk away, he is always there right beside me every step of the way holding me up through it all
I am in need of a savoir, he is my savior. God sent his son for me to die on the cross, he is my savior!
I am inpatient, but he is waiting for me.
I am a runner, but he is running after me. Even tho I do walk away from God, sometimes run from God, he is chasing after me, showing himself to me in ways I cannot imagine
Now this last one, I changed the wording to fit with this.
I am unlovable, but loves me anyway. I am sinful in God's eyes, I am not worthy of his love, but he loves me anyway. Thank you God for loving me even tho I walk away so many times!
Something Marc challenged us to do, is sit down with our bibles and see where in the bible it says what we put down. I want to challenge you to do the same. You can do as many as I did, or less, or more it's up to you. But make sure you go and find out where in the Bible it talks about it. Im going to first thing tomorrow. God is so good!
My prayer on my way home, was all about me following God even if I cant see his master plan right now as to why I am suffering. But I know God does have that master plan, and it is so much greater than I can even imagine. I started to tear up on my drive home. Which isnt to safe considering its foggy and rainy here right now, but anyways, i was and I was being safe...dont worry. But I was tearing up, and just crying out to God, asking him to please be here for me, and to guide me in the ways he wants me to go, and I am tired of walking away from him and deliberately sinning against him. Im through with it. But I need his help with it. I need his help so badly! I've been so confused on SO many things lately, and the only way I will know what I am supposed to do is with him. And I know that if I continue to walk with him daily, his plan for my life will become clearer and clearer.
Be praying for my friend Sarah, he has a urinary tract infection, and its spread to her kidneys and liver, she's in the hospital right now in so much pain, and it's not a good situation at all. So please be keeping Sarah in your prayers. It would really mean a lot to me.
God bless everyone who reads this, I pray for each of you every day!
~Hannah
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I've been so busy lately with everything going on in my life, and just school. Here's kinda an update on whats going on in my life, and what God's teaching me.
I finally got my license. Makes me happy. Only thing I dont like is driving our tank of a van around (my family has one of those homeschooler type vans). My brother Paul uses our car all the time, and never really lets me get it. But my brother Parker, being the nice guy he is will let me have the van when i need it, and he doesnt need it or can find a ride to wherever he's wanting to go to, cause he knows what it's like to want to do something, but the other sibling not caring, and just taking off with your only choice for a ride. So, lucky me I get to drive around the tank. I wish I had a picture of it to put on here. I'll try to get one tomorrow.
I got a message on facebook the other day from an old friend of mine. I got pretty excited about it cause I havent talked to this girl in a long time. Come to find out, she was just wondering if I could find a missouri postcard and send it to her cause her school is doing a contest and she needs a postcard from every state. So I gladly said I would send her a postcard. I figure shouldnt be that hard to fine a postcard. I was wrong...
Why is it that there is NO place in St Peter/St Charles that has postcards anymore?? I've looked at so many places! I looked at Walgreens, Target, the mall, Halmark, and even Crackerbarrel! No place has them! Im thinking about seeing if any stores down on main street have any since it's a historical place or whatever with the louis and clark stuff lol. Im hoping they do, because if not, Im just going to give up on this hunt, unless I end up going into the city anytime soon. I will be sending her at least a california postcard so I will be able to help out a little bit (yes I have California postcards but no missouri ones. Thank you San Diego for having postcards everywhere!!)
Saturday was my brother Parker's girlfriend Ellen's birthday. She's a really great girl, I love her to death, her and I have become really good friends since her and my brother started dating. My brother was planning on purposing to her in May when we were all on vacation in South Carolina on the beach. But he just couldnt wait. Saturday morning he went to her house and talked to her parents asking for permission, and that night he went and purposed to her down on main street in st charles, and she thankfully said yes. Im so excited that she's going to be my sister in love. She's a really great girl and they're perfect for each other. The ring she got is gorgeous! My mom had it, and it was a family heirloom from my dad's side of the family. It gets passed down through the sons, and they can use it to purpose to their girlfriends. It's almost 100 years old, and so pretty! My dad restored it about a year ago, and it is amazing!
I got to play in the snow here with my niece and nephew on Monday. It was a really great time. My niece who is 2yrs old would grab a handful of snow and rub her hands together making it all fall out and say "ITS SNOWING!!!" it was really too cute. My nephew who is 1yr old would sit on the ground and just watch us and every once in a while he would smile real big from my niece throwing snow at him. He would crawl around in it, cause he seemed to not be able to find his feet in his snow pants/shoes, and we all just had a lot of fun. When we went back inside we warmed up and I made my niece some hot chocolate. I think the marshmallows were her favorite part. I love those kids, they mean the world to me, I always have a blast with them.
That night my niece and nephew, brother, and sister in law all stayed for dinner, and we had a great time! My niece and I hung out in my room and she would point at different things and ask "hannah whats that?" and I would tell her and she would just respond by saying "ohhhh". Or she would pick up something and tell me what it was. She's so funny cause she knows what makeup is, and what lipstick is. She always goes for that first in my room.
I got to be the first one to paint her nails on Monday, it was really fun. She loved it. After I got done painting hers she picks up another bottle of the nail polish and goes "hannah paint nails?" so I painted mine too...only mine are black and her's are pink :)
God has really been teaching me to fully rely on him for everything, and that I really just need to give it all to him instead of me trying to handle it all on my own. Battles and blessings pretty much describes my life right now. Something was mentioned at church tonight that really kind of hit me. It was that we believe in these bible stories of Joseph, Jonah, Job, Esther, David and Goliath, and that God brought them out of trouble, God helped them through the tough times, and yet we dont believe that God will bring us out of the tough times we experience. I had never thought of that before, and it really hit me.
Sometimes I feel like a fake christian. Whenever I slip up with a cuss word, or i sin with something, go against God's will, lie to my parents. I feel like a fake. But in reality, Im just human. I want people to be able to look at me and say "she's following God with everything that she has. And she trusts him, and tries to honor him" But thats a hard thing to strive for. God is an awesome God, which is why he snet his only son to die for me when I do slip up. I dont want people saying "uh oh she's not a real christian because she just cussed!" I try not to cuss, but there has been those times where it just comes out, and you dont mean it to. I feel horrible when that happens, and I always hope that no one was around to hear it when I do slip up. People, dont look at christians and expect them to be perfect. Yes we have a higher standard to live up to and we need to try to not sin, and we need to strive to be like Christ, but dont expect us to never mess up. We are human, we are sinners, thats why we have Christ. To cover our sin when we do slip up and mess up.
God's been soing some weird stuff in my life lately. It's like he tears pieces of it down, and builds it back up to make it stronger and newer. But it hurts so bad when it gets torn down. So much crap has gone on these last 5 months, and it's been making me stronger. My life has fallen apart, only to make me stronger. I've come close to giving up on my faith, and just giving up period. But with God I've stayed strong, and I've grown. Its been a tough journey, but I feel like with this new year, it's going to be filled with so many tough things right at the beginning, but in the end of 2010, it's going to be bittersweet. I'll be able to look back and say "yeah that sucked, but I overcame it, and learned from it. Now Im so much stronger in my faith and KNOW God will bring me through anything, and wont throw anything at me that I cant handle" Last year was amazing year, full of stressful/fun/exciting/crazy times, and Im excited to see what happens this year.
Im praying for everyone that reads this. Remember: God is strong, might, gracious, merciful, loving, powerful, and he will bring you through whatever trial you are going through! My heart goes out to everyone struggling. The people of Haiti right now especially. Such a poverty stricken country, and it's so sad that the earthquake had to happen at a time like this. Be praying for them with me. Be praying for the church there that my church has started. I have had the pleasure of meeting the man that pastors that church, and he is so full of love, and I have not heard anything on him and if him and his family are alright. Be praying for them, as they deal with this. It is so hard!
Its getting late, and I work tomorrow, so goodnight, I am praying!
~Hannah
I finally got my license. Makes me happy. Only thing I dont like is driving our tank of a van around (my family has one of those homeschooler type vans). My brother Paul uses our car all the time, and never really lets me get it. But my brother Parker, being the nice guy he is will let me have the van when i need it, and he doesnt need it or can find a ride to wherever he's wanting to go to, cause he knows what it's like to want to do something, but the other sibling not caring, and just taking off with your only choice for a ride. So, lucky me I get to drive around the tank. I wish I had a picture of it to put on here. I'll try to get one tomorrow.
I got a message on facebook the other day from an old friend of mine. I got pretty excited about it cause I havent talked to this girl in a long time. Come to find out, she was just wondering if I could find a missouri postcard and send it to her cause her school is doing a contest and she needs a postcard from every state. So I gladly said I would send her a postcard. I figure shouldnt be that hard to fine a postcard. I was wrong...
Why is it that there is NO place in St Peter/St Charles that has postcards anymore?? I've looked at so many places! I looked at Walgreens, Target, the mall, Halmark, and even Crackerbarrel! No place has them! Im thinking about seeing if any stores down on main street have any since it's a historical place or whatever with the louis and clark stuff lol. Im hoping they do, because if not, Im just going to give up on this hunt, unless I end up going into the city anytime soon. I will be sending her at least a california postcard so I will be able to help out a little bit (yes I have California postcards but no missouri ones. Thank you San Diego for having postcards everywhere!!)
Saturday was my brother Parker's girlfriend Ellen's birthday. She's a really great girl, I love her to death, her and I have become really good friends since her and my brother started dating. My brother was planning on purposing to her in May when we were all on vacation in South Carolina on the beach. But he just couldnt wait. Saturday morning he went to her house and talked to her parents asking for permission, and that night he went and purposed to her down on main street in st charles, and she thankfully said yes. Im so excited that she's going to be my sister in love. She's a really great girl and they're perfect for each other. The ring she got is gorgeous! My mom had it, and it was a family heirloom from my dad's side of the family. It gets passed down through the sons, and they can use it to purpose to their girlfriends. It's almost 100 years old, and so pretty! My dad restored it about a year ago, and it is amazing!
I got to play in the snow here with my niece and nephew on Monday. It was a really great time. My niece who is 2yrs old would grab a handful of snow and rub her hands together making it all fall out and say "ITS SNOWING!!!" it was really too cute. My nephew who is 1yr old would sit on the ground and just watch us and every once in a while he would smile real big from my niece throwing snow at him. He would crawl around in it, cause he seemed to not be able to find his feet in his snow pants/shoes, and we all just had a lot of fun. When we went back inside we warmed up and I made my niece some hot chocolate. I think the marshmallows were her favorite part. I love those kids, they mean the world to me, I always have a blast with them.
That night my niece and nephew, brother, and sister in law all stayed for dinner, and we had a great time! My niece and I hung out in my room and she would point at different things and ask "hannah whats that?" and I would tell her and she would just respond by saying "ohhhh". Or she would pick up something and tell me what it was. She's so funny cause she knows what makeup is, and what lipstick is. She always goes for that first in my room.
I got to be the first one to paint her nails on Monday, it was really fun. She loved it. After I got done painting hers she picks up another bottle of the nail polish and goes "hannah paint nails?" so I painted mine too...only mine are black and her's are pink :)
God has really been teaching me to fully rely on him for everything, and that I really just need to give it all to him instead of me trying to handle it all on my own. Battles and blessings pretty much describes my life right now. Something was mentioned at church tonight that really kind of hit me. It was that we believe in these bible stories of Joseph, Jonah, Job, Esther, David and Goliath, and that God brought them out of trouble, God helped them through the tough times, and yet we dont believe that God will bring us out of the tough times we experience. I had never thought of that before, and it really hit me.
Sometimes I feel like a fake christian. Whenever I slip up with a cuss word, or i sin with something, go against God's will, lie to my parents. I feel like a fake. But in reality, Im just human. I want people to be able to look at me and say "she's following God with everything that she has. And she trusts him, and tries to honor him" But thats a hard thing to strive for. God is an awesome God, which is why he snet his only son to die for me when I do slip up. I dont want people saying "uh oh she's not a real christian because she just cussed!" I try not to cuss, but there has been those times where it just comes out, and you dont mean it to. I feel horrible when that happens, and I always hope that no one was around to hear it when I do slip up. People, dont look at christians and expect them to be perfect. Yes we have a higher standard to live up to and we need to try to not sin, and we need to strive to be like Christ, but dont expect us to never mess up. We are human, we are sinners, thats why we have Christ. To cover our sin when we do slip up and mess up.
God's been soing some weird stuff in my life lately. It's like he tears pieces of it down, and builds it back up to make it stronger and newer. But it hurts so bad when it gets torn down. So much crap has gone on these last 5 months, and it's been making me stronger. My life has fallen apart, only to make me stronger. I've come close to giving up on my faith, and just giving up period. But with God I've stayed strong, and I've grown. Its been a tough journey, but I feel like with this new year, it's going to be filled with so many tough things right at the beginning, but in the end of 2010, it's going to be bittersweet. I'll be able to look back and say "yeah that sucked, but I overcame it, and learned from it. Now Im so much stronger in my faith and KNOW God will bring me through anything, and wont throw anything at me that I cant handle" Last year was amazing year, full of stressful/fun/exciting/crazy times, and Im excited to see what happens this year.
Im praying for everyone that reads this. Remember: God is strong, might, gracious, merciful, loving, powerful, and he will bring you through whatever trial you are going through! My heart goes out to everyone struggling. The people of Haiti right now especially. Such a poverty stricken country, and it's so sad that the earthquake had to happen at a time like this. Be praying for them with me. Be praying for the church there that my church has started. I have had the pleasure of meeting the man that pastors that church, and he is so full of love, and I have not heard anything on him and if him and his family are alright. Be praying for them, as they deal with this. It is so hard!
Its getting late, and I work tomorrow, so goodnight, I am praying!
~Hannah
Monday, January 4, 2010
Surprises, Atlanta, and San Diego.
I would have updated yesterday, but I had an unexpected visitor Saturday night and he just left this morning.
You see, I have a friend, John. He just joined the army. He finished boot camp about a month ago, and is on his way to Germany right now to be stationed there. The army told him to get to the lambert airport Saturday so he could sign in, and they told him his flight left Sunday. Nope, it flight left today. So he signed in, and then they told him to go find a hotel room or something. So he called me (he's from Oklahoma by the way), and said he needed a place to stay for two nights. Which was quite funny because I was hoping to go up to the airport to see him (he was going to be stuck there all day Sunday), but it wasnt going to work out cause I dont have my license yet. And what made it even funnier is that we met on a mission trip a few summers back and liked each other. Now we're just friends, but there were some awkward moments while he was here. Anyways, it was really great to see John again, especially since he is on his way to Germany for God knows how long. Oh, and I also had just gotten home maybe 5 hours before he called asking for a place to stay. So it was kinda interesting since i hadnt been home all week.
So more about this trip I took, we really just watched football all week, and hung out and talked. Went out to eat a few times, and went to the Fan Fest for the chick-fil-a bowl in downtown atltanta.
This was in the Atlanta airport. If you dont know, the missions project I went on this last summer in San Diego for two months was called Sojourners, which is where I met everyone that I spent this week in Atlanta with.
It was a really great trip. I miss everyone dearly already. They are my best friends, and I wish they all lived closer to me so they could help me grow in my relationship with God like they do even when we're all just goofing around.
Something Erin, Kelsey, Steph, and I would do every Sunday night is we would go down into the fellowship hall and sit down there just talking and worshiping God together (when I had a guitar that is). We would talk about the struggles of the week and how God pulled us through those troubles. And what God had been speaking to our hearts, and what we've learned from Him. And how we can change from what God has told us and revealed to us. That is one of the biggest things I miss from this summer is talking with those girls about it. It was such an encouragement hearing what God had been teaching them, and seeing them grow through all of it, as well as myself.
Friday night when I was in Owensboro my friend Kelsey and I decided to stay in the same room that night because it was our last night together. We spent a good hour or so as we were falling asleep saying stuff we missed about San Diego. Some goofy ones we didnt really miss, some fun ones, some serious ones, and some that only we would get. It was really great, I wish I could fall asleep every night doing that. Okay Im going to stop before I start crying haha. I think this is a pretty good update for now.
God's still working in my life daily, and having me grow in him every day. Be praying for me as I am transitioning once again to being away from these amazing people. It's so hard to be around such Godly people and then coming home, and not having them around you all day every day. Especially when they're your best friends.
Side note:Every time I end a blog, I pray for whoever stumbles across this, that they may be encouraged, and see God's love. God bless every single one of you. If anyone even does read this ;)
~Hannah
You see, I have a friend, John. He just joined the army. He finished boot camp about a month ago, and is on his way to Germany right now to be stationed there. The army told him to get to the lambert airport Saturday so he could sign in, and they told him his flight left Sunday. Nope, it flight left today. So he signed in, and then they told him to go find a hotel room or something. So he called me (he's from Oklahoma by the way), and said he needed a place to stay for two nights. Which was quite funny because I was hoping to go up to the airport to see him (he was going to be stuck there all day Sunday), but it wasnt going to work out cause I dont have my license yet. And what made it even funnier is that we met on a mission trip a few summers back and liked each other. Now we're just friends, but there were some awkward moments while he was here. Anyways, it was really great to see John again, especially since he is on his way to Germany for God knows how long. Oh, and I also had just gotten home maybe 5 hours before he called asking for a place to stay. So it was kinda interesting since i hadnt been home all week.
This is John, myself, and our friend Kate who came over and hung out with us for a while. Great to see him!
So more about this trip I took, we really just watched football all week, and hung out and talked. Went out to eat a few times, and went to the Fan Fest for the chick-fil-a bowl in downtown atltanta.
Here's a bunch of people just hanging out on new years eve. Allen is orange, Billy has his back to the camera, Juliana is in the Purple, Luke is next to her, and Big Al (Alex) is next to him.
This is Taylor and I, I cant figure out how to flip the picture on here, so sorry about that. Taylor is one of the nicest guys you will ever meet. He opened his house up to all of us and let us stay there.
It was a really great trip. I miss everyone dearly already. They are my best friends, and I wish they all lived closer to me so they could help me grow in my relationship with God like they do even when we're all just goofing around.
Something Erin, Kelsey, Steph, and I would do every Sunday night is we would go down into the fellowship hall and sit down there just talking and worshiping God together (when I had a guitar that is). We would talk about the struggles of the week and how God pulled us through those troubles. And what God had been speaking to our hearts, and what we've learned from Him. And how we can change from what God has told us and revealed to us. That is one of the biggest things I miss from this summer is talking with those girls about it. It was such an encouragement hearing what God had been teaching them, and seeing them grow through all of it, as well as myself.
Friday night when I was in Owensboro my friend Kelsey and I decided to stay in the same room that night because it was our last night together. We spent a good hour or so as we were falling asleep saying stuff we missed about San Diego. Some goofy ones we didnt really miss, some fun ones, some serious ones, and some that only we would get. It was really great, I wish I could fall asleep every night doing that. Okay Im going to stop before I start crying haha. I think this is a pretty good update for now.
God's still working in my life daily, and having me grow in him every day. Be praying for me as I am transitioning once again to being away from these amazing people. It's so hard to be around such Godly people and then coming home, and not having them around you all day every day. Especially when they're your best friends.
Side note:Every time I end a blog, I pray for whoever stumbles across this, that they may be encouraged, and see God's love. God bless every single one of you. If anyone even does read this ;)
~Hannah
Friday, January 1, 2010
Reunion, and best friends
Im in Owensboro, KY right now laying on my friend Kelsey's bed writing this about to fall asleep. I hadnt updated in a while so I figured I should. Kelsey and I just flew to Owensboro from Atlanta. It was an interesting flight to say the least, 9 passenger plane, and very bumpy lol. I wont go into any further detail than that.
In Atlanta I got to see 16 of my closest/Godliest/amazing friends I could ever have! They have all helped me with so much over the years, and I absolutely love every single one of them. Whenever I am around them, I feel God right there with us, which I dont get with anyone else. Even if they're making fun of me for liking a guy.
There are four girls in particular I have become very close to. Kelsey, Amy, Erin, and Stephanie. We all have a blast together. They are my best friends, and I dont know what I would do without any of them.
Erin, Steph, Kelsey, and I have this stuffed animal that Taylor won at Knottz Berry Farm in California and we send it to each other monthly. Like the sisterhood of the traveling pants. We have named this stuffed animal Drifter. He is great! Stephanie had Drifter this month, and brought it to the reunion to pass onto Kelsey, so Drifter is currently sitting next to me as I type this, and I still feel like the 4 of us are together. I cant wait to get Drifter in Saint Louis so he can see all the sights! I will be taking him EVERYWHERE with me. It'll be a grand time! Here's a picture of us and drifter our last night going to get Frozen Yogurt near mission beach.
The order goes, Stephanie, Kelsey, Erin, and myself holding Drifter.
With everything going on with my family I've really needed a break and to just have some fun. Which is exactly what I did this week. It was really great! These girls make me so happy, and me laugh harder than anyone else i have ever met! They are so full of Christ's love, and it just radiates from them. If you ever need anything you can call them day or night and they will talk to you about anything and everything and will not judge you for whatever you say.
Now onto Amy. Amy is one of the sweetest, most hyper girls you could ever meet! She's so full of energy, and is just full of joy. You can talk to her about anything, and she will listen to every word and do whatever she can to help you. Here's a picture of Amy and I.
In Atlanta I got to see 16 of my closest/Godliest/amazing friends I could ever have! They have all helped me with so much over the years, and I absolutely love every single one of them. Whenever I am around them, I feel God right there with us, which I dont get with anyone else. Even if they're making fun of me for liking a guy.
There are four girls in particular I have become very close to. Kelsey, Amy, Erin, and Stephanie. We all have a blast together. They are my best friends, and I dont know what I would do without any of them.
Erin, Steph, Kelsey, and I have this stuffed animal that Taylor won at Knottz Berry Farm in California and we send it to each other monthly. Like the sisterhood of the traveling pants. We have named this stuffed animal Drifter. He is great! Stephanie had Drifter this month, and brought it to the reunion to pass onto Kelsey, so Drifter is currently sitting next to me as I type this, and I still feel like the 4 of us are together. I cant wait to get Drifter in Saint Louis so he can see all the sights! I will be taking him EVERYWHERE with me. It'll be a grand time! Here's a picture of us and drifter our last night going to get Frozen Yogurt near mission beach.
The order goes, Stephanie, Kelsey, Erin, and myself holding Drifter.
Now onto Amy. Amy is one of the sweetest, most hyper girls you could ever meet! She's so full of energy, and is just full of joy. You can talk to her about anything, and she will listen to every word and do whatever she can to help you. Here's a picture of Amy and I.
She's absolutely amazing! I love her to death. She's like my big sister, and she's just great! She went through the same thing I am right now with my family, around the same age as me, so she's been amazing with helping me get through this trial.
These girls are my best friends, and I would not be anything without them! I cannot wait until I get to be reunited with them once again. They mean the world to me. Every time I am with these girls or even just talking to them, I feel so much stronger in my faith, and I can feel God right there with us. Its really amazing. Anyways, it's time to get to bed, Im exhausted. I'll write more about the trip and what God's been doing in my life latey later in the week. I'll be busy the next two days, so dont expect it until next week sometime :)
~Hannah
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