I've come really close to just giving up on my faith these last few days. Im not going to go into detail, but there has been a bunch of stuff going on with my family the last two weeks, that has really hit me hard.
I just kind of feel like that whenever I start to get better, and when I start to not be depressed anymore (I used to have depression), something attacks me and I fall down and dont know how to get back up for  along time.

On Wednesday night I went to an awesome church in my area that I am thinking about switching to. What the pastor said really helped me. I dont even really remember what he was talking about that really hit me, but something did and it made me realize that God is there, and that even though I cant see what he's doing right now, I know that he does everything for good. Then last night at a bible study I go to, we talked about attitudes and how we need to have good attitudes through everything.

Man has God been teaching me some lessons! Im so tired of working for everything, im tired of trying to please everyone around me, and helping everyone else when I really need to be helping myself right now. I let people talk to me about their problems, and I take their burdens onto myself. When in reality, right now, I cant really even handle my own burdens right now.

I was hoping my trials as a teen would be over. My dad lost his job 3 years ago, a bunch of stuff after that started happening, and I became extremely depressed. It took me over a year and a half to get over it on my own, and even after that I struggled with it a lot. Just about a year ago I started to get better from it, and now I feel like Im right back where I started. I need God right now more than I have in a long time. I need him to show himself to me, to reassure to me that he is here and he is real. I need him to show me that everything will be alright in the end. It might be a tough journey, but in the end, all will be alright.

I also need to figure out what I am going to do for college. I know Im going to go to the community college for a while, but I dont know after that. I want to go to Oklahoma to be closer to my niece and nephew, go to Tennessee just because I love it there, or San Diego because it is the most beautiful place I have ever been in my entire life, and people there need to know christ so badly! But I dont know where God wants me to go. Im thinking about going to a secular college and going to seminary after that, but I dont know what to major or anything.

I have been having a lot of problems with my hip and my ankle the last year. I got my third shot in my hip for something called Prolo Therapy where it inflames the joint causing it to heal. I also got my first session in my ankle, and he gave me two shots in that. So I've been in a lot of pain these last few days. I could use some prayer right now. Just for my family and that my hip and ankle heal well. Tomorrow is my nieces birthday and it's almost midnight so I need to head to bed.

~Hannah